Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
