I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
