What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
