This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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