Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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