A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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