I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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