I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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