the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
