idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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