Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
