Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
