the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
