he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
