I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
