You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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