I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
