Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
