There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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