Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
