my soul wont recognize me after tonight
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
