i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
