You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize