You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
