Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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