Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
