i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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