I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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