woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
