you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
