this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
