Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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