so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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