Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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