I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
