So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
