your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
