Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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