am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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