just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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