Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
