Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
