I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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