We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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