so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
