my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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