Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
