nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
