I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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