There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
just come out here and I will go home with you...
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
