i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
