Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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