Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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