Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
If I die, sorry about rent.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
