I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
