whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Plan B is the new Plan A
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
