whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Im part way to drunk.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
