I just threw up on my dentist
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
