If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Randomize
