Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
the night ended with taco bell and tears
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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