so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
