my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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