yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
