I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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