Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
