You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
