I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
