fuck your aforementioned shoe
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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