yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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