I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
