I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
