just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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