i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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