I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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